First:
Our rink is still plagued by the infidels. The locker rooms of the Patriots and the Hitmen were both assaulted by some punk, making-off with all the cash in both rooms. Rumors are out their that someone on staff at the rink is responsible, but this is highly unlikely as keys to the locker rooms are only given to managers. So be sure and lock your locker room (LOCKer room, hmm. . .) before you hit the ice (make sure to get the key from the bench before the refs issue you a game misconduct, it looks really silly when you have to come back to the glass) or carry your valuables to the bench with you. I never take my wallet with all of my vital, sensitive information, cards, pins, account numbers, birthdates, etc. . . from my car, it's the teal accord four door ('05) with rims, lic. # "5-hole". Any way, point is you have the power. And, here's something that has been issued before that I intend to start doing, ask the people that you don't recognize what they're doing, who are they here with, ya' know? If they don't have a good answer then show them the door, politely. If they belong here (maybe they're rooting for the Puckers or they're last name is Haley, who knows) then you could make a new friend, :).
In lighter news:
The league has been turned on its ear. Yockey erases all traces of the Moose from the public record, and grows a giant Stalin-esque mustache, leaving everyone to question what their record actually means for the Keg, and would the metaphor have worked better with a Mao-esque chili bowl hair cut?
The Puckers Lose their last game in a real heart breaker with a score of something to something less, well, a heartbreaker for all those guys fantisizing about me in a pair of embroidered Panties and a big pair of pom-poms.
Blubaugh and Sirkis serve their suspensions, but Val skates? The commentors jump to the bottom of the page.
And, just like that the regular season is over leaving the foggy world of play-off scheduling dead ahead. Avast, me hearties! Oh, that's right, no Privateers!
Ice Holes (8-1-0) 6
DFW Titans (4-3-1) 5
The only game that has made it on to Pointstreak started off in what we used to think of as the Icehole way, methodical defense, patient offense yielding only one goal half way through the first period to Hole Gino Ropos, then a counter punch from the Titan's Michael Kirkland. Normally that's when the clamps would go down until the third, but not tonight. The second built on the momentum, a Titan goal early on from Mac Miller, then one late to Justin Mason. Brian Preusser closes the second with a goal for the Holes, to keep hope alive. The Holes strike early in the third with two goals, Preusser and Ropos to take the lead, then lose it to Titan stand-by Kirkland. The Holes wrestle it back with another goal by Brian Harbison only to lose it again in the last minute to Icehole Tim Marra. No one makes a dent in the OT period and after just three shooters, Jayson Jones weathers yet another shoot-out. These Iceholes are starting to look more like the eightie's Oilers than the ninetie's Stars, the Oilers won more cups, so who can argue with that?
Puckers (3-4-0) - L
Chiefs (3-3-1) - W
Jeez, I can't remember this score, but I know that the Chiefs pulled it out (was it a stacked roster? Were the Puckers just to short on theirs?) securing my dignity for one more week, if that's possible. Neither team was playing for the post season, meaning this one was all about pride. You tell me how to interpret that.
Whalers (0-6-1) - L
Moose (0-8-0) - W?
The Whalers strapped their wagon to the Hamster but tonight's incarnation of the Moose is in penetrable. They finish the night scoreless, the season winless. The Moose for their part scored enough to win leaving their record at an impressive 0-8. It must be that new math.
Brewzers (4-3-0) - W
Silverwings (4-2-1) - L
The Silverwings needed to win to lock in for the Keg picture, but the Brewzers needed one to avoid mathematical elimination, Yockey assures both of not knowing where they stand. The Brewzers win, but what's it worth.
Blue Devils (6-0-1) - W
Grave Diggers (3-3-1) - L
The Diggers nearly pull-off the upset to end all upsets, losing the lead with only 2.5 seconds left in the third, losing the game in overtime. The Devils were shut-out for most of the game, but find their veteran gumption (love that word) just in time.
Stickmen (6-1-0) - W
Snipers (3-4-0) - L
Steven McCollister and the Sticks nearly give this one away. The Snipers score with a minute and a half left in the game, and capture the momentum to carry them almost to a tieing tally. With a whistle at the end of the chaos in front of McCollister, the Sticks count their lucky Dallas Stars and escape with the win.
Komets (4-2-1) - L
Privateers (3-4-0) - W
The Komet dream season ends in 'Teers! Well, not really, they still have a good enough record to fall into the muddle of four win teams, waiting for the word from Yockey. But, they certainly are left with a bad taste in their mouth, the Privateers swab the decks with 'em, returning to the highscoring juggernaut that they used to be. Just like Duncanville!
Hitmen I (3-4-0) - L
Patriots (4-3-0) - W
The Pats ran the table, despite being outshot, they held a healthy lead until the third. The Hitmen's shots finally started falling, leading to a tie. Several dramatic goal line stands eventually spring the Pats to a late drive, culminating in a goal with less than eight seconds on the clock. The Hitmen cannot make the ride.
Where do we go from here, Only a Vulcan mind meld could reveal the inner workings of Tom Yockey's grand plan. I'm just sitting, waiting, wishing . . .
