I League Preview: week 5

The days of the Stanley keg is over…

A new trophy that winners of I league shall hoist over their sweat drenched heads after being victorious! BEHOLD...

The Sirkis Golden Calf!

Forged in the fires of Mayhem, polished in the blood of Patriots, and blessed by Islam, This pagan idol will be awarded and paraded around the ice until the Almighty strikes the losing team down.
The high priest, Hockey Messiah Josh Briscoe presents the graven image to the winning team after the game concludes, and during the regular season it is closely guarded under the watchful eye of Jeff Vaughan. his great Great Dane and 300 Spartans.

ON TO PREVIEWS!

6:30pm: Ice Holes vs Komets

Ice holes have pretty much been mopping up the league with oppressive slavery like defense, and solid to awesome offense. For the comets, this is their proving ground game. Lose and they’re still another remnant of the silver division with a decent record, a win, they prove their worth among the league’s elite.

6:30pm: Leftovers vs Stickmen

Stickmen can get back into the keg hunt with a win after suffering a humiliating loss to the black widows. The leftovers hope they get their awesome goalie back in John Ellis, but who knows. From coach Bobby Sirkis, “The Leftovers are for sale. Will negotiate - no offer is too small”. Junior Lindamood needs to step it up and play like he did in midget hockey, or he is regulated to another spare I leaguer.

7:45pm: Black Widows vs Patriots

Patriots had some problems finding the net last week, but still managed to get the shutout win. They face a team with many of the same players which were on the spiders. The result was a Patriots landslide. Catch is, this Black Widows team is slighty better with more team chemistry. Both teams keg hopes are on the line in this one.

7:45pm: Warriors vs Blue Devils

This battle of coaches pits Greg Sargent against Bobby Sirkis. Bragging rights are on the line as both coaches said they will easily sacrifice the lives of their players for the win, no matter what the cost. From warriors coach Sirkis, “Am I worried about Sargent's team? No. The guy needs to cut his hair and go to an STD rehab clinic.” Mark Cameron vs Travis Webb should be a fun matchup…as should Dan Grimes vs all Blue Devils.

9pm: Spiders vs Brewzers

Spiders’ season is in shambles, their coach Tom Yockey, downtrodden and defeated as spiders fans everywhere are comparing him to Ken Hitchcock and calling for his job. For Yockey, this is a career game that will make or break what coaching gigs lay ahead for him. We can only hope he brings his team to play in this one. He should sign Chris Skupien, that would solve his problems.

9pm: Puckers vs Snipers

Snipers came off a genocide loss to the Ice Holes last week, while the puckers are still looking for their first win of the season. For a group as talented as they are with Rintala and Luchenhoff, one wonders why they can’t win a game. Baffling.