Since Ellis is dumb and too busy reading his romance novels, here’s last week’s recap from yours truly. Granted games are being played right now as we speak….hopefully it just stirs up bitterness.
I-league
Whalers (6-3-0) 0
Shockers (5-3-1) 1
Epic Goalie battle between jesse gonzales (wtf??) and Greg Mata. Greg Mata chooses poorly on one shot and loses the game. What a noob. Wil Dobson says who's your daddy and throws up the shocker to the Whalers Bench as he gets the game’s only goal. Nice.
Warriors (5-3-1) 4
Soul Patch (5-2-1) 3
A fun game to watch if you like cartoons. This game featured scoring, penalties, coaches (STEVE FRY!!) getting penalties, and a shootout. Oh my. Warriors find themselves up 2-1 after first period. Goals are traded in the 2nd and in the third, Soul Patch proves they are not “a hoe” short as Brad scores in mighty fashion to send the game to the extra frame. The shootout shows army great Dereck Tillemans gets the winner and the Warriors celebrate good times, come on.
Blue Devils I (7-1-1) 5
Snipers (4-3-1) 1
SND blue devils may be treading water, but the I league BDs are still kicking people in the teeth. Apparently the Phantoms decided to play and Jay Peters and Cory Howard put up goals in the first (the hell??) Spellman adds to the Empire’s lead while Peters decided to be like his hero Jonathan Cheechoo and decides to have a multi point game. Snipers thought they would be cool and score a goal…no, dumb, BDs make a mockery and add another one for the facial.
Mutineers (3-6-0) 3
Brewzers (1-8-0) 0
Mutineers get their first goal from ringer Patrick Haley and don’t look back. Robert Massengale and Erick Ahlstedt (worst last names ever) add to the lead and this one isn’t even close. Matt Sexton sandbags it and gets the shutout, neat.
Stickmen (7-1-1) 8
LSI (4-4-0) 3
Jeff Vaughan can’t save LSI. Stickmen fire continuous barrages of goals in every period, which proved too much for little LSI to recover from. Steff Trapp is a Bad A@# and puts up 2 goals and 3 assists (when did he get awesome??) LSI did get goals from Vaughan, Mason and Thompson on the night. Steve Mccollister was pretty much amazing in this one.
Grave Diggers (0-5-3) 0
Silverwings (3-6-0) 2
Bryan Brookman got the @*&#& checked out of him by Rebecca Janis, that’s all that matters in this game. Ryan Kelly is awesome and gets both goals and the adequate Eric Spivey nails gets the shutout.
Get better Rebecca!!!!
Spiders (5-3-1) 3
Puckers (6-2-1) 1
Dear Yockey, no more midnight game, thanks.
Humanity
Pete Clark, Andrew Patti, and William Wessel score goals, Casey Jenkins makes it close in the end, not really. Jeremy Brown was caught watching a video on his iphone during the game. Lucky. Props to Patrick Donaghue who kept the puckers in this game. Spot on.
Oh and here was Ellis’ recap….how cool…
The Spiders stomp the Puckers early, three goals, all in the first period. Pete Clark
SND
Komets (7-1-1) 2
Patriots (1-8-0) 1
Oh ellis, there there. Euless’ white knight still can’t seem to get his swagga back . Though I’ll be nice as the Pats offense just couldn’t get the job done. The great former I league lord Dan Barr realizes it isn’t college baseball and can’t put up more than one goal. Komets get all they need from Wil Dobson and the mysterious john Thompson. Apparently Brian Panice is a sack.
Privateers (8-0-1) 15
Canadiens (3-5-1) 6
This game is full of debauchery and shame. Privateers scored more with kids than Michael Jackson on a rainy night. Brian Zientek, fresh off a try-out with the bramahs, puts up a hat trick and an assist. And Robert Massengale also puts up a hatty. Oh and Tony Fizzano puts up three as well. While we’re on the subject of hat tricks, Scott Haman gets one for the Canadians. Some other dudes scored in this one too. I will give the privateers props for taking only one penalty in this one while the Canadians thought it would be cool to start meleing people. Terrible. Considering Jeff Bohl was the ref, this one just bleeds drama. I love you all!
Ice Bats (4-3-2) 3
Blue Devils (4-4-1) 4
Again, flippin midnight games are gay tom yockey. Charlie “I wear my hats sideways” Henie scores the first BD goal then a flip flop of goals occur for both sides. Andrew Latham and Chris Hale make it happen in the 2nd for the Bats and Martin Berryman and Jay Peters retaliate in the same frame. Latham scores in the third and we go to extra time. Quckily into OT, Jay Peters runs a pick and roll at center ice, refs don’t see it and Daryl Wieland hits the breakaway and scores a sexy top shelf goal for the winner. Blubaugh made epic saves in this game.
If ellis doesn’t have today’s recap done by Sunday night, I’m writing it again. Why? Idunno.
Grab a Fajita!
