The Stars, From Behind the Glass

The weekend's re-cap is just below this post.

The Stars are having a problem mixing in the occasional win here lately, but unlike the rest of you people, I decided to get to the bottom of it. If you have ever attended a Star's home game or even caught a game on the tube, you may have seen local legend Cody Bateman. After toiling for years in anonymity at several area rinks, he earned the right to toil in anonymity at the American Airlines Center. The man with the Zam, he is the final word on ice maintenance at the highest level, and the worst climate. If he can manage to balance those two extremes, surely he has an insightful, authoritative view on the Star's pickle.

I caught him at the melt pit on Thursday (before the loss to San Jose, in overtime)


SNH: Hey Cody, thanks for taking a little time out of your busy schedule here at the AAC to talk with Saturday Night Heroes.

CODY: Sure, glad to answer whatever questions you have. You did clear this with our press agent right?

SNH: Yeah, uhh, I think you have something on your leg, what is that?

CODY: They don't let us out much.

SNH: That's certainly... er, candid. I guess it gets pretty dangerous in the, uh, bowels of the arena. What's the most dangerous thing that has ever happened down here?

CODY: I saw a girl get peed on by a large tiger during the circus. Sprayed her right in the face.

SNH: JEEZ! You know, I think that's actually an exotic astringent, Priscilla Presley uses it. Well, how about those Stars? This season has really started to fall apart. Why do you think this thing isn't working? Is it Brad? Have you seen something behind the scenes that could be the difference?

CODY: Season's not over and the real season begins in April. Hopefully we'll turn it around before then.

SNH: Last year a lot of people were questioning Turco. Do you think that those questions have been answered? Is Turco the future?

CODY: He played out of his mind during the playoffs last year and people still wanted him gone. He's one of the premiere goalies in the league, you don't play for team Canada because you suck. Marty Turco is, and will be, the Dallas Star's goalie until his contract is up.

SNH: That's good news, I love him, no really, I LOVE him. I could have his hockey babies.

CODY: Wow! Jon that's a really scary thought. Medical science can do wonderful things now though, so I guess that's a something for you to look at????

SNH: To each his own, I guess. The move of Modano to wing, do you think that this is a permanent move?

CODY: He's 37 and still a great player. Where they play him doesn't matter as long as he's still contributing.

SNH: Tell me, what do you think about power plays? Are they better than penalty kills?

CODY: No comment??? Next question.

SNH: Uhh, yeah I guess that's not a very good question, Screw it, I'm done!

CODY: Hey your asking better questions than I get from the Canadian reporters.

SNH: You really think that? Thanks man. Hey, did you notice my new beard? What do you think? We're like beard brothers, huh?

CODY: No, not at all, I've seen 10 year old Hispanic kids with better beards. And NO I wouldn't go as far as to say anything about us being related, at all.

SNH: Well, I've only been growing it for a week! Gimme a break man. Not everybody is as beardly blessed as you, OK? Let's get back to hockey, all right?

CODY: Fine with me. If we're not talkin' hockey who is? Hockey is the fourth sport in this town and will never get any where because no one cares.

SNH: That's what I think, too. It's like the Stars organization (pronounced with a long "i") has lost sight of what this thing is supposed to be. The games are buried beneath all of this... JUNK. All of the music, ice girls, contests and whatever, does it bother you, too?

CODY: Yes, I love the game for the game, not the loud music and just plain crap that goes on every game. I guess people buy tickets to get free T-shirts and get their pictures taken with ice girls and ride on the Fan zam, and race around dressed as beer bottles (SNH: nodding in agreement) and be on the kiss cam and it's cool to be Jeff K's havoc fanatics beating on those damn drums like we're at a Cleveland Indians game!!!!! What ever happened to just an organ?? Huh? Why can't we just get a freaking organ and play hockey!!!!

SNH: Hey, calm down, man. Don't get yourself fired. Somebody might overhear you (nervously looking over shoulders). What do you think they should do? Is there a way that the games should be presented?

CODY: Get rid of it all, get an organ. No one cares about all the circus that goes on, they just want to go the bathroom and get some peanuts and beer and watch hockey.

SNH: That's cool. I know you've been to other arenas, which one is you're favorite facility, you know, if you had to work there? Which one is the best to watch a game at?

CODY: I've only been to a couple of places but so far Dallas is still the nicest building I've been in. People from all over come here and just are in awe of this place. If I was going to watch a hockey game I would say Montreal, the Mecca of hockey, is where I would want to watch a game or Toronto's got to be a great place to see a game.

SNH: I've heard that before, I'd like to get up there, sometime. So, do you think that the High School Musical on ice is the biggest event that the AAC will host this year?

CODY: No, Disney is not. Hopefully the Stanley Cup Finals will be. All we have to do is get in the playoffs and we've got a shot. I don't know how far we'll get but you've got a chance as long as you make the playoffs. People tend to say that, 'oh well, the Stars will be out in the first round again', well you could be a Chicago fan and not have seen the playoffs in 8 years. As long as you're in then you've got a chance, if we can play like we did in February then we can go all the way, if we play like March, first round and out. But as a fan you should be appreciative that we're a contender every year. Because in a few years it'll be an early baseball season for you.

SNH: GREAT! I love baseball, I mean, what you said. Let me thank you again for pulling yourself away from the ice to B.S. with me for a little while. I think that everyone at S.N.H. is just a little bit smarter for it!

CODY: No problem, it was interesting?? I hope someone gets something out of this. Go Stars! And good luck with that Marty baby, artificial insemination, inbreeding thing???

SNH: Aww shucks, you probably say that to all the pseudo-journalists.

Jon Ellis
S.N.H. staff writer